Closet of Doom 2: Legasy of Pie
by Patchwork Poltergeist
Summary: The long awaited sequal to closet of doom! Now with questing, evil ants, and fun-time things! W00T!
1. The 2nd Longest Disclaimer Ever

**__**

Prologue

*a guy holding a notepad walks out*

Narrator Guy: *ahem* Last time in the Closet-of-Doom-saga-type-thingy, some stuff happened in some place somewhere that had a TV showing some show. You know, **I** had a television once, his name was Wendy, he was a transsexual TV, you know. Wendy and I had a wonderful time in the far off magical land named Switzerland until Wendy was devoured by a pack of rabid snow camels. *sniff* WENDY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! WHY? **WHYYYYYY?!!!! ***sobs*

Rio: *throws a shoe at Narrator's head* ENOUGH SOBBING!!!MORE NARRATOROROR-ING! Or- whatever!

Someone off camera: Hey, my shoe!!!

N.G.: But…..I don' wanna….*sniff*

Rio: Tough taffy, ya wig-wearin' recess monkey!

N.G.: *pout* Fine… After that, s'more kewl stuff happened, and then…more stuff happened, there was….some flashy pretty things, aaaand then some stuff about cards-

Yami: *appears out of nowhere* Did you say- CARDS? *looks around eagerly*

N.G.: Not_ those _type of cards.

Yami: Awwwwww……

Rio:…*kicks N.G. in the crotch*

N.G.: *recoils* What in hell was THAT for?!

Rio: Because I have *thunder crash* **_AUTHOR POWERS!!! _**

*fanfare* 

Yami:….where'd that come from?

Rio:…hell?

N.G.: But…Hel's a MEAN lady!

Yami: No, not Hel, hell.

N.G.: That's what I said, Hel!

Rio: NO!! Not "Hel", _hell_!

N.G.: That's what I SAID!

Yami: NO!

N.G.: Yes?

Rio:……**what**?!

Kyra: Exactly!

Yami: O_O Where did **you** come from?!

Kyra:…the castle..duh.

Rio: T_T In other words, hell.

N.G.: Kyra's mom is Hel?

Rio:……**_DIE!!! _***slams Narrator upside the head with a frying pan repeatedly*

Kyra: *eating candy* ^-^ Can-deh…

Rio: _Candy_?! *grin*

Kyra: *protects candy* **NO CANDY FOR YOU!**

Rio:……*pushes Kyra in a random ditch and runs away*

Kyra: CAND-EH THEEEEIF!!! *gives chase*

Yami: *poking NG with a stick* 

NG: *is dead*

Yami: *looks around* So…I guess _I'm _doing the disclaimer. *ahem* GIR's Cupcake, Rio Starbright, and any or other aliases she has, does not own and of the stuff mentioned in this ungodly magnitude of sugar-induced idiocy. She also does not own a speck on common sense. *grin*

Rio: *in the distance* I heard that!

Yami: So, here it is, the long awaited sequel to Closet of Doom, _Closet of Doom III: Legacy of PIE!" _Now to get this corpse outta here…*pulls out wheelbarrow*


	2. In Which Hedgehogs Own Hedgeclippers

****

Chapter One: In Which Hedgehogs Own Hedge Clippers

Mario's Garden (sounds kinda like a game, doesn't it? O_o).

*Mario waters one of them..man-eatin' plant thingys. Sonic's asleep on a lawn chair and Kirby's eating a balanced breakfast of a basket of baked bakery bagels*

Mario: *singing to the tune of "do the Mario* Watering all of the plants, some are 10 feet tall and will eat you fast; Some are small and some are green Watch out for garden slugs they will eat your spleen…*suddenly stops singing* LUIGI!

Luigi: *shouting from inside* What?!

Mario: *also shouting* Where are the hedge clippers?! 

Luigi: What hedge clippers?!

Mario: The red ones!

Luigi: I sold them to some monk for green ones!

Mario: _WHAT?!_

Luigi: Sorry!

Mario: LIAR!!

Sonic: *unable to continue his nap, buries his head under his pillow* 

Kirby: Bagels! ^-^W00t!

Sonic: *sigh* If I give you **my** hedge clippers, will you shut up?!

Luigi: …only if you give monies.

Sonic: *grumble* FINE! *throws a sack 'o coins at Luigi's head* 

Luigi: Shweet! Rio, here I come!

(the city, Rio. Not the author. That would just be icky. Get yer mind outta the gutter you- gutter-dwelling-person!)

Kirby:* with fifteen bagels in his mouth* Fher'd hee gesh fhall dhat moneh?

cut to the bank

Seto Kaiba: What to you **_MEAN_** there's nothing in my account?!

garden

Sonic: I have no idea. 

Mario: So, what about the clippers? 

Sonic: Right

*corny star wipe to Sonic's house*

Kyra:…..star wipes?  
Rio: I thought it'd be a nice change ^^  
Kyra:……remember the LAST time you thought something was a "nice change"?  
Rio: Oh, come on, the evil overlord DID give us back our heads. Eventually.

Crash: *sleeping on a table* mmmm….why yes nauseatingly rich lady I AM that famous porn star that's even richer than you are….zzzz…._sure, _you can autograph it…zzzzzz…

Kirby: *makes a face* ewwwwwwwww….

Sonic: OUT, OUT, **OUT**!!! *throws Crash out the window*

Window: *is broken*

Sonic: ..Dammit Crash, you broke my window!

Mario: What about the clippers?

Sonic: What? Oh…they're in the drawer

Mario: *searching the said drawer* Nope…

Sonic: What in hell do you mean "nope?" 

Mario: I mean nope, nada, non, nil, zero, zilch, zip, or the number of people bothering to read this nonsense and actually think it's intriguing!

Sonic: O_O Wha- *shoves him aside* **WHERE ARE MY HEDGECLIPPERS?!!!!!**

__

*BUM BUM **BUMMMMMM!***

*Link suddenly appears holding his sword in the air all dramatic-like*

Kirby: The hell?

Hel: *shows up* Yes?

Mario: O.o

Sonic: T_T Ok, this joke's getting old.

Rio: *also appears* I agree *pulls out the "Author-Axe-of-POWER" and kills the joke, then vanishes*

Crash: NOOOOOOO!! Hel gag! It was too young to die! Why?! WHYYYYY?! *cries*

Sonic: How in hell did you get back in my house?

Crash: *not listening* WHY?

Kirby: Because the Democrats are in power again 

*rimshot*

Crash:…I…don't get it….

Mario: Good!

Crash: *blinks in confusion*

Sonic: *laughs at him*

Link: …Anyhoo…..*hold up his sword again* **_SONIC!_**

Sonic: What?

Link: **_TO FIND YOUR MAGIC HEDECLIPPERS YOU MUST GO ON A QUEST OF GREAT IMPORTANCE!_**

Kirby: Why must you **_TALK LIKE THAT?_**

Link: **_WHEN YOU'RE A GIVER OF QUESTS, YOU ALWAYS MUST TALK LIKE THIS!! _***waves hands dramatically*

Kirby: Well, quit it. You look like a fruit cake.

Link:…*kicks him*

Mario: HA!

Crash: eh?

Link: **_SILENCE! _***slaps the "sticker of quiet" on Crash* Now then…**_SONIC!_**

Sonic: What? 

Kirby: Anyone else feeling an odd sense of deja-vu? 

Link: **_YOU MUST JOURNEY TO FORIGN LANDS AND BRAVE HORRIBLE OBSTICLES TO RETRIEVE YOUR MAGIC CLIPPERS!!_**

Sonic:..but they aren't magic.

Link: **_THEY ARE NOW!!!_**

*thunder crash*

Kirby: Was that really necessary?

Link: Not really. It's just cool to do. ^^ **_NOW!! SONIC, KIRBY, AND IDIOT!_**

Crash: T_T

Link: **_YOU MUST FIRST CLIMB THE HORRIBLE TREACHEROUS ANTILL OF PERIL AND PAIN!!_**

Mario: ..the ant-hill is horrible, treacherous, perilous, and painful? 

Link: **_INDEED, IT IS!!_**

Kirby:..does it HAVE to be?

Link: **_NOT REALLY!! _***makes the doors open* **_NOW GO FOURTH, GREAT HEROS OF GAMES FROM MANY CONSOLES! GO FOURTH AND FULFILL YOUR DESTINY!!!! _***thunder clash*****

Kirby: It's our destiny to find a hedgehog's gardening tools?

Link: ..**_QUIET YOU! *_**throws an evil fish that tries to devour Kirby's head*

Kirby: *running in circles* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Fish on head! **FISH ON HEAD!!!**

Sonic: That was…kinda neat. 

Link: indeed….**_ALSO!_**

Mario: *sigh* there's more?

Link: **_YES! ALSO PICK ME UP SOME CHEESEY SNACKS ON YOUR WAY BACK!! _**You know, the lil' sausage with cream cheese in the center, those are my favorite ^-^ **_NOW, GET GOING! I NEED TO RETURN THE POWER VOICE BY FIVE!! _** *vanishes in a flashy manner, making Crash's sticker rip off* 

*the four just stand there for a long while*

Sonic:……………………………............................................shit

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rio: aaaaand that's the first chapter. Rejoice. **REJOICE!!!! **Yay! *throws confetti/glitter on everyone*

Kyra: YAY! ^_^

Yami: I have confetti in my lungs…T_T

Rio: You're dead, you don' need lungs, sill-eh buns! *hug* ^-^

Yami: _


	3. In Which Ants Own Pants

Rio: Aaannd- we're back!

Kyra: Yay!

Rio: YAY!! *does lil' sugar-high happy dance*

Kyra: Lookit! I turned Malik into a fuzzy lil' bunny!

Rio: *gasps and grabs the bunny* BUNN-EH!!!! **_CUTNESS!! _***spine breaking hug*

Malik: @~@ spine…..shattered…..pain………._ow_……… 

Kyra: *blink* So….wanna cook it?

Rio: *pulls out a spoon, pot, knife and chef's hat* DO I?!

Malik: DAMMIT PHAROAH, PHAROAH'S WIFE, AND PHAROAH'S WIFE'S FRIEND!! DAMN YOU ALL TO **HELL**!!

Yami: ..go ahead and read the fic folks, you don't want to see this…

Rio: *busy sharpening knife*

****

Chapter 2: In Which Ants Own ALL the Pants!

The foursome are climbing a gigantic anthill, slightly resembling a giant volcano.

Sonic: How'd we get here so damn fast? We only started out last chapter!

Kirby: *shrugs* ..fan-fic time warp?

*Kyra and Rio appear out of nowhere*

Both: _Leeeet do the Tiiiiiiiime Warp agaaaaaain!!!_

*vanish*

Mario:….Kaaaaaaay…that was…….peculiar 

Crash: You know..this quest thingy's actually easier than I thought it would be

Sonic: *has an oh-crap-this-idiot-just-jinxed-us look on his face*

Crash: I expected something more..horrible. Like there'd be fire…

*the ant hill suddenly bursts into a raging green inferno*

Kyra: a GREEN inferno?

Rio: *shrug*

Crash: There'd be boiling hot lava….

*lava explodes from the top of the hill and tumbles down toward them*

Crash:..and something bad would happen to our equipment…

Kirby: O_O MY SWORD'S **_MELTING_**!!

Crash: …and then we'd probably get captured or something by the horrible insect natives armed with powers and weapons beyond all mortal comprehension.

*horrible insect natives armed with powers and weapons beyond all mortal comprehension suddenly surround them*

All:……….

Sonic: *slowly turns to Crash with an icy glare* I hate you…..

Mario: *hopefully* I'm SURE they'll listen to reason and we can all sort this out like adults…from random videos games. 

cut to Mario, Kirby, Sonic & Crash chained to a dungeon wall*

Sonic: *glare* *voice dripping with sarcasm* I'm sure they'll listen to reason and we can all sort this out like adults. BAH!

Kirby:…bah?

Crash: *like a sheep* baaaaaaaah! ^-^

Mario: *points at him* Ok, you. No more from you today.

Sonic: You know..this really isn't completely his fault.

Kirby: YEAH! It's that damn authoress' fault!

Crash: What he said! 

*dungeon is suddenly swarming with spooky looking ant guards*

cut to author

Rio: Aint I a stinker?

dungeon

Mario: T_T Nice going idiots.

Ant Guard #1: INTRUDERS! THE COLONY HAS CAPTURED YOU!

Sonic: **Really**? I didn't notice

Ant Guard # 2: Oh ho! So you came looking to stop the Colony's conquest have you?! Well, my friends while You were rotting in this here cell-thingy, we discovered ..a certain terrible, horrible secret. 

Captives:….*blink*

Ant Guard # 1: Go on! Ask him "what terrifying, horrible secret?"

Sonic: *sigh* What terrifying, horrible secret? 

Ant Guard # 2: We've discovered a _secret_ channel in the mines that makes out kind grow big, powerful and meaty! MEATY!!! *spreads arms dramatically*

Kirby: Err…..that's nice..

Ant Guard # 1: Ah yes, the secret plans..

Kirby: …….I…..didn't _say_ anything about secret plans..

Ant Guard # 1: Eh? Well, you were supposed to. It's genius really. We fill all the cities of the world with horrible buckets of salt and THEN attack with….*dramatic pause* SOAP BUBBLES!!!

*rest of the guards gasp*

Sonic: …that's it?

Ant#2: Well, there's a duck involved later…but yeah, pretty much.

Mario: That-that plan is horrible.

Ant#1: YES! Horrible and frightening!

Kirby: No. Just horrible, as in stupid.

Ant #2: As in stupid fly, yo! *strikes a pose*

Sonic: Nope. Just stupid and crappy.  


Kirby: *points* You get an **F **mister!!

Ant#1: *tears up*

Crash: Go to your room!

*ants sulk off sadly*

Mario: Wow..there's actually someone dumber than I am.…

Kirby: Sonic, I'm _scared_!

Sonic: We're _all_ scared Kirby

Crash: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Sonic: 'cept him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yami: And that was chapter two. Be happy. *waves lil

flag unenthusiastically* Wheeeee….

Rio: ^_^ Be sure to review or I break your legs with my leg breaking machine! 

^-^

Kyra: Ex-nay on the reakingbay achinemay… 

Rio: O_O ACK! Did I say leg breaking machine?! I meant my…happiness probe! Heh..heh…no need for any government investigation to intervene, there is no plan for internet domination here……errr…. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!! HA HA! *jumps out a window*

Yami:..the sad part is I don't find this even the least bit unusual. 

Kyra: Not as sad as you stupid card game

Yami: What does THAT have to do with anything?!

Kyra: Your legs are stupid.

Yami: What?!

Kyra: That's right, buddy! Just remember that!

Yami: What in Duat are you _talking_ about?! 

Kyra: Exactly!

Yami:….Anyhoo…be sure to come back and read chapter three. That is if Rio ever comes back…

Kyra: *holds up a bucket of pixie sticks* don't worry, she'll have to come back for these. *holds up car keys* And these.

Yami:..but she can fly..and has her own stash of pixie sticks in Australia…

Kyra:..she does?

Yami: She does.

Kyra:…well..then…you readers comeback anyway. Or I'll send you into ten thousand years of darkness and suffering!


End file.
